Mud Fairy as Security Guard (What a "Shitty" pun)

What a great place to store your shit valuables! The Brief Safe lets you hide cash, jewelry, or documents in the Velcro-closing fly of these bloomers that need a good washin’.

Think about it—what thief in his right mind would be rummaging around inside a shitty pair of underpants? Great for hotel rooms and Cahoona rooms. I'm just wondering where you would keep shorts like this—lying in the middle of the floor?

Don't get the idea, Kirby, to create your own and market against these guys. These guys are pros and probably have the mud fairy's cell phone number and email address!